Tag Archive
HSE warns ambulances not to take members of public to hospital
The Health Service Executive (HSE) has warned ambulance staff not to carry patients to hospitals in any circumstances. »
Parents urged to ridicule fat kids in battle against obesity
A multi-million euro initiative aimed at tackling obesity in children has recommended that parents and teachers publicly ridicule fat kids for their own good. »
The Mire reflects on a pig’s mickey of a year – twisted and crooked
It was a year that began with a visit from several British MPs to Dail Eireann to study the mystifying way in which our TDs resisted resigning. »
HSE to ban inactive people from wearing active wear
In a desperate bid to promote personal fitness the Government is planning to ban inactive people from wearing active wear, The Mire has learned. »
HSE to stop treating patients who are too ill to notice
The Health Service Executive (HSE) is planning to abandon the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia in an effort to save up to €400 million annually. »
Cost benefit analysis of state agencies fails to find any benefit
A cost benefit analysis of all state agencies which was ordered by Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan has had to be abandoned after it could find no discernible benefit to measure cost against. »
Huge setback for HSE as citizens are allergic to well being
Disaster has struck the Health Service Executive’s (HSE) ambitious plan to solve all the country’s health problems by spraying citizens with WellBeing, the new perfume created by Givenchy in association with the HSE. »
Dealers offer heroin networks for roll-out of swine flu vaccinations
The country’s leading heroin dealers have offered their distribution networks for the swine flu vaccination programme in the event that the Health Service Executive (HSE) and the Irish Medical Organisation (IMO) fail to reach agreement on rolling out the vaccinations. »
Patients prepared to die rather than risk even routine surgery
Almost 9,000 patients – many of whom are critically ill – have cancelled operations in the first six months of the year rather than risk botched surgery carried out by consultants who come from the same gene pool as the country’s bankers and other professionals. »
Bike scheme threatened as obese cyclists won’t go up hills
The Health Service Executive (HSE) has rallied to the defence of obese, unfit people, in Dublin who have been availing of the Dublinbikes scheme only to abandon their bikes as soon as they come to an uphill stretch of road. »