Tag Archive
HSE to stop treating patients who are too ill to notice
The Health Service Executive (HSE) is planning to abandon the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia in an effort to save up to €400 million annually. »
Monitors reveal 37% of state employees are ‘probably’ dead
Results from the Performance Evaluation monitors placed on 200 public servants yesterday have come to the controversial conclusion that as many as 37 per cent of state employees are probably dead. »
Cost benefit analysis of state agencies fails to find any benefit
A cost benefit analysis of all state agencies which was ordered by Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan has had to be abandoned after it could find no discernible benefit to measure cost against. »
Huge setback for HSE as citizens are allergic to well being
Disaster has struck the Health Service Executive’s (HSE) ambitious plan to solve all the country’s health problems by spraying citizens with WellBeing, the new perfume created by Givenchy in association with the HSE. »
Dealers offer heroin networks for roll-out of swine flu vaccinations
The country’s leading heroin dealers have offered their distribution networks for the swine flu vaccination programme in the event that the Health Service Executive (HSE) and the Irish Medical Organisation (IMO) fail to reach agreement on rolling out the vaccinations. »
Patients prepared to die rather than risk even routine surgery
Almost 9,000 patients – many of whom are critically ill – have cancelled operations in the first six months of the year rather than risk botched surgery carried out by consultants who come from the same gene pool as the country’s bankers and other professionals. »
Bike scheme threatened as obese cyclists won’t go up hills
The Health Service Executive (HSE) has rallied to the defence of obese, unfit people, in Dublin who have been availing of the Dublinbikes scheme only to abandon their bikes as soon as they come to an uphill stretch of road. »
HSE banks on ‘WellBeing’ perfume to cure all ills
The Health Service Executive (HSE) has bounced back from its disastrous attempt to hand health services over to Ryanair and announced a joint venture with Givenchy to produce WellBeing a perfume which it is hoped will completely eliminate the need for any form of health care. »
HSE says children with swine flu should be kept in sheds
The Health Service Executive (HSE) is advising parents of children sent home from school with swine flu to keep their distance from their offspring no matter how attached to them they are. »
A bridge too far as roads become motorways
Top civil servants in key Government departments are slowly coming to terms with the realisation that their political masters are on holiday and no longer need constant therapy, counselling and reassurance. The development has freed the mandarins to get back to running the country and they have already come up with some exciting solutions... »