Sports
Chelsea players have sex with local woman while celebrating goal
A local Wolverhampton woman has said she felt used after several Chelsea players had sex with her while celebrating Didier Drogba’s second goal against Wolverhampton Wanderers at Molineux on Saturday. »
All eyes on Tiger as he appears in public without shagging anyone
All eyes will be on Florida at 4pm today when Tiger Woods is to attempt to appear in public for up to 20 minutes without shagging anyone. »
Faithful woman denies sex romps with Terry,Tiger
A Tullamore woman who insists she has never had sex with John Terry or Tiger Woods has been dismissed as a liar and a delusional fantasist with no grasp on reality. »
Officials consider hiring on-course milfs to entice Tiger back to golf
The Mire has learned that senior officials in professional golf are considering hiring on-course milfs to entice Tiger Woods back to the professional game. »
Van Morrison denies affair with Tiger, also denies knowing himself
The Mire is able to reveal that there is still considerable confusion as to whether Tiger Woods and Van Morrison had a baby together over Christmas. »
The Mire reflects on a pig’s mickey of a year – twisted and crooked
It was a year that began with a visit from several British MPs to Dail Eireann to study the mystifying way in which our TDs resisted resigning. »
Gardai say no evidence Guinness fire was started by FAI
Gardai have said there is no evidence to support the allegation that yesterday’s fire at the Guinness brewery was started by senior figures in the FAI. »
Sexperts fear quitting golf could damage Tiger’s ‘game’
Some of the world’s leading sexperts are concerned that Tiger Woods’ decision to quit golf “indefinitely” could have a terrible impact on his performance between the sheets. »
FIFA offers Delaney title of Official Gimp to Sepp Blatter
The Mire can reveal that FIFA president Sepp Blatter is to offer FAI supremo John Delaney the honourary title of Official Gimp to Sepp Blatter as moral compensation for Ireland’s World Cup qualifier loss to France. »
FIFA says No but Delaney says ‘Sod Them – We Go!’
“Pack your bags and raid your credit unions,” was the defiant message emerging from FAI sources this morning as it became clear that the sinister organisation’s chief executive, John Delaney, is determined to bring Ireland to World Cup 2010 in South Africa irrespective of FIFA or Sepp Blatter’s wishes. »