Archive for September, 2009

In what could be a defining moment in the Lisbon referendum’s destiny Taoiseach Brian Cowen has revealed that rolling dates will be set aside for future Lisbon Treaty referenda if we fail to vote in favour of Lisbon on October 2nd. »

Almost 9,000 patients – many of whom are critically ill – have cancelled operations in the first six months of the year rather than risk botched surgery carried out by consultants who come from the same gene pool as the country’s bankers and other professionals. »

In a significant boost to the pro-Lisbon Treaty side The Mire can reveal that Sinn Fein is considering a u-turn on its No to Lisbon stance if the Independent International Commission on Decommissioning gives the IRA back its anti-tank missiles. »

In a clear signal that he has no confidence in Tanaiste Mary Coughlan, Taoiseach Brian Cowen has stated that he has full confidence in her. Devastatingly Mr Cowen described Ms Coughlan as an “excellent Minister, hard-working and a very good member of Cabinet”.  »

An expert on Tourette’s syndrome has told The Mire that the Tanaiste and Minister for Enterprise, Trade and Employment, Mary Coughlan, may suffer from coprolalia and, therefore, cannot help making a complete tit of herself on occasion. »

The increased flatulence of impoverished Mirish people eating cheap food is causing a rapid acceleration in global climate change, President Barack Obama told 190 heads of state and government who convened at the United Nations on the eve of the opening of the General Assembly on Climate Change. »

In an extraordinary encounter with the Fine Gael leader and Taoiseach in waiting Enda Kenny, The Mire has learned that the voices in Mr Kenny’s head were deeply traumatised by the experience but have managed to escape. »

Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny has launched a stinging attack on Taoiseach Brian Cowen for failing to listen to the voices in his head. »

In an unprecedented exclusive sources inside the Taoiseach’s head have revealed that, contrary to media speculation, Brian Cowen is not drinking nearly enough. »

An action group representing all the major players in the fast food industry is calling a special two-day conference to deal with the problems posed to service standards by employing former solicitors, architects and other professionals in fast food restaurants. »